Hn The musical!
by All names r taken
Summary: Hollywood decides to make a musical based on Hiei's life. Who will get the parts? What will the script look like? Will somone screw up on opening night? Why have rabid fangirls started WWIII? Very funny. Read&Review!
1. Default Chapter

a/n- This just kinda came to me and if I don't update forever blame it on homework, writer's block, and evil dortors and their appointments. Enjoy!

"Hn." The musical!

Prolouge...

"Nani?"screamed Hiei. "They're making a musical about my life! Why would anybody watch a show about a demon and his friends who fight monsters and crap?" Wah,wah,waaaaaahhhhhh.

"Well, your life_ is _really interesting, Hiei. And then there's your family history..." Kurama's voice trailed off at the sight of Hiei's death glare.

"If those script writers think they can expose my secrets to the world and live to tell the tale, they've got another thing coming!"

And so it began...

"Wow, Hiei, I thought you didn't like this idea."

"I don't."

"Neither do I!" Kuwabara snorted. He was of the opinion that people would profer a musical about his life, which, of course, shows how much he knows.

"So, then why did either of you show up?"

"Obviously, if they have to do this, they can at least let me be me."

"O.K., time to announce who will be playing what part!"

"The part of Kuwabara will be played by Michael Jonson!"

"Huh?"

Moonwalk entry.

"Hey, wait a minute, there must be a mistake! I am Kuwabara! Who could play Kuwabara better than Kuwabara?!"

"He could! Tell 'em, Michael!"

"I am a man! And yet I love kittens!"

"Well, there you have it! The part of Yusuke will be played by: Leonardo Davincio, to glamorize the role!"

glamor entry.

"'Sup."

Fangirls around the world scream and surge onto e-bay to buy tickets.

"But, I'm Yusuke!"

"Yeah, you and every other bum in this room!"

"Kurama will be played by: Orlando Blossom!"

foxy entry(with fake fox ears and tail).

(runs fingers through long hair and smiles charmingly)"Hello!"

The world's remaining fangirls screech and start mugging the first fangirls for their tickets.

"The oh so sweet Yukina will be played by none other than Suichi Minamino!"

Certain anime fangirls join the ticket brawl.

"B-b-but, I'm a guy!"

"Really? Does this mean you won't play the part?"

Kurama glances nervously at Hiei's gaze, pleading him to stay on and maintain order on the set.

"I guess not-"

"Great, than on to our leading man. Hiei will be played by: (drumroll) Robin Willits!"

funny entry.

"Hello, everyone, it's great to be here! I just flew in from L.A. and boy, are my arms tired!"

Weird comedy fans like Drama laugh and pick tickets off dead fangirls.

"What the bucket?!?" shouts Hiei.

That's the end for now. Please review, I'll try to update soon if you do! Have a great day. Jesus Saves!


	2. Chapter 2

"Hn. The Musical!"

Ch. 2

a/n-Hey, readers! Many sorries (is that even a word?) for not updating for so long. I had a surgery and couldn't get to my upstairs

bedroom which contains my loyal desktop for a few months. Instead, I was reduced to typing feebly on my mutinous laptop (evil, evil,

EVIL!), which stubbornly refused to upload to FF and eventually had to be put out of its misery (reconfigured, or whatever term you use

for a p.c. that has to have it's motherboard wiped clean and start from scratch), losing all my save data. But,enough wallowing in self pity;

on to the fic!

Disclaimer: Insert clever witticism pertaining to me not owning Yu Yu Hakusho of choice here.

"What the bucket?" cried Hiei incredulously. "Robin Willits? But, he's like acomic genius! Mr. Willits, may I please have your

autograph?" Hiei whipped out a small black autograph book at this. Kurama could've sworn he saw two pages containing autographs

from Mickey Mouse and Cinderella flash by as Hiei hastily flipped to an empty page.

Robin Willits was about to sign when Kurama implored, "Hiei?", clearly under the impression that Hiei needed bedrest.

"What?" replied Hiei absent-mindedly. "Oh, yeah 'How dare they cast such a bubble-headed ningen fool as me'" he sped through this

line as though he had rehearsed it. "Now, Rob, may I call you Rob? About those autographs…"

"Hiei!" cried everyone angrily, furious at the breach in character.

"Oh, all right," Hiei conceded in a whiny tone, slapping shut his autograph book. "Hn."

a/n-Well, that's it for now, just wanted to let you know I am continuing this story. The next chapter will be longer and funnier, I promise.

Now review. I dare you. P.S. If the spacing is wrong, blame it on FF's uploading, NOT ME.


	3. The Inside Scoop

"Hn. The Musical!"

Ch. 3-The Inside Scoop

Hey, readers! I'm back! Oh, I love my desktop! hugs computer gratefully ;) : Look, a man with a moustache and a unibrow! Ahem. Now that that's out of my system…

"This is Yusuke Urameshi with the inside scoop on 'Hn. The Musical!' , a stage production chronicling the pitiful existence of Hiei Jaganshi, from birth to current residence!" chorused Yusuke happily from the other side of the camcorder, the red rec. sign flashing in the corner.

"Ahem!" interrupted Kuwabara irritably. He was still convinced the documentary should have been about him, and was very upset at being forced to be Urameshi's underappreciated cameraman.

"And Kazuma KuwaBAKA," he added, stressing the last two syllables unnecessarily, "handling the black box with the view piece. Anyways," he continued, ignoring Kuwabara's muttered grumblings that he got no respect. "The cast has already begun rehearsing for opening night. Oh, look! It's the actress who plays Rui, closest friend of Hiei's mother, Hina. She's practicing the part where she chucks baby Hiei off the Koorime island. Let's watch."

The screen shifted to the stage while Yusuke and Kuwabara knelt to hide in the third row.

The actress playing Rui held the baby doll that had been altered to look like Hiei at arm's length, a look of utter contempt on her face.

"Hiei, you are the weakest link. Good-bye," she said simply, dropping the doll off the make-shift "cliff"; it landed on the backstage floor with a dull thud. An ear-piercing scream shattered the stage, emitted from the actress playing Hina, who was being bodily restrained by three or four other "Koorimes." The mob of ice maidens now turned to the sobbing Hina.

The eldest looking actress spoke, addressing Hiei's would be mother. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" she near screamed.

At this point, Yusuke could be clearly heard whispering to Kuwabara from off-camera, "Isn't that Judge Judeth?"

"I dunno," mumbled Kuwabara, transfixed at the action taking place on stage.

The actress playing Hina now stopped crying to look up at the other women and started singing, "Oops, I did it again. I had an affair-"

Yusuke could again be heard muttering, "Wish she was my mom…" but was quickly shushed by Kuwabara,

"Gave birth to a son, oh baby, baby, Oops, you threw him away. I'm feeling dismayed, enough to take my life away!" She ended on an impressive high note, drew a fakey-looking ice dagger out from under her skirt and made as if to stab herself in the heart.

The screen refocused on the ground just in time to avoid Hina's violent suicide, while signs of an equally violent scuffle about to begin could be heard in the background of the screams coming from onstage.

"What're you punks doing here?" came the voice of an obviously irritated security guard.

"Umm," Yusuke stalled, "Market research?"

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave the building," drawled the second security guard apparently delighted at the fact that he got to throw someone out.

"Sorry, not gonna happen!" shouted Yusuke.

The camera rose to the scene just in time to catch Yusuke's energy bullets knocking the two guards flat before they could even call for back-up.

"You don't think anybody heard that, do you?" Yusuke asked nervously scanning the now silent auditorium.

"Noooo… But let's leave all the same," Kuwabara finished lamely as he headed toward the door, camera still in place.

"Yeah… Hey, wait for me!" cried Yusuke as he struggled to keep up with the taller boy.

"Ah, the ticket line," Yusuke briefly glanced up and down the seemingly endless caravan of people camped out to buy tickets before continuing. "Hey, I've got an idea! Let's interview unsuspecting people who are waiting for an insanely long time to buy over-priced tickets to a mediocre musical just 'cause it contains our favorite miniscule fire youkai!"

The screen bobbed up and down as Kuwabara nodded his agreement at the idea, inwardly resenting the "favorite" comment.

Yusuke approached a rather hot fangirl wearing a t-shirt with Hiei's head on it.

"Excuse me, miss, but is it hot out here or is it just you?" Yusuke quoted stupidly, knowing full well that this pick-up line would earn death by slapping, should Keiko ever find out.

The fangirl looked around cluelessly and mumbled, "Doesn't seem hot to me…"

Yusuke sweat dropped and said sheepishly, "So, why are you getting tickets to 'Hn. The Musical,' anyway?"

At this the girl smiled and started talking both very quickly and very enthusiastically. "Well, if Hiei's on it, I own it; CDs, DVDs, video games, posters, figurines, plushies: you name it, I got it! So when I heard there was a whole musical being made about Hiei-chan, of course I just had to buy a ticket or twelve!"

Both boys gawked for a while; finally Yusuke broke the silence.

"Pardon me, but exactly why do you like Hiei so much?" he queried, irritated at the fact that his fangirls weren't quite so devoted.

The nameless fangirl stared at the camera for a few moments, dumbfounded.

Kuwabara tried to make it better, "I think what he's trying to say is 'What did shrimpie ever do to make himself so attractive to you?" and failed miserably.

A red hot fury seemed to rise into the maiden as they watched helplessly. "How dare you insult my precious Hiei-chan!" she growled in a satanic voice as flames raged behind her. "Now you will pay!" The maniacal fangirl suddenly sprouted fangs and bared them, ready to attack the moment our two unfortunate dimwits stepped back in range of her coveted spot in line.

Lucky for said dimwits, they had already turned tail and run almost to the end of line, about five blocks away.

"That was a close one," Yusuke panted, leaning against a building as Kuwabara hastily repositioned the camera after his long run.

Gel-head, having caught his breath and begun feeling ready for more, searched the crowd for a less volatile subject.

"There's a fairly docile-looking one," he whispered to his twinkie-headed friend.

The screen followed Yusuke's finger to a pleasant-looking girl who was, in fact, smiling serenely and humming to herself, while the people around her jockeyed impatiently for position.

"Hi there," trilled Yusuke as he shoved the microphone in front of the innocent-looking lady. "We were just wondering if we could get your comment on this new musical."

The slightly shocked looking female waved at the camera and answered calmly, "Hi, I'm a yoai fanfictionist, and I'm eager to see Kurama portraying a girl."

Yusuke nearly shouted, "So you write stories about guys getting jiggy with other guys?"

The author looked offended, and then shed her innocence faster than Hiei and Kurama shedding clothes in one of her own fanfics. "Die, you narrow-minded homophobes!" she screamed, making as if to strangle them both with her bare hands.

Yet again, our host and cameraman were saved by pure instinct, as they scurried rapidly to almost the front of the line again.

Once they had stopped to rest, Yusuke muttered, "One more opinion to round things out, and were out of here."

The camera jiggled up and down furiously with what could only be Kuwabara nodding his head in agreement.

"Say sir, sir!" Yusuke headed straight for the nearest normal-looking middle-aged man, who was nervously bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, trying to look past the ten or so people ahead of him to the ticket booth.

"What drove you to come here to today and purchase a ticket to 'Hn. The musical!'?"

The man sighed exasperatedly, "Is THAT what this line's for? I thought it was for the bathroom…" then seemed to brighten up excitedly, "Well, as long as I'm here I might as well get a ticket!"

Yusuke gaped open-jawed at the man, then turned resolutely to the cameraman. With a forced grin, he concluded, "Well, that's all the scoop we have for today! Tune in next time when we sneak in- I mean, obtain permission to interrogate the stars, writer/director, and other people who are important to: 'Hn. The Musical!' coming soon to a theater near you. Cut!"

The screen cut immediately to grey fuzz.

a/n-That's the end for now! Thanks to everyone who kept reading and reviewing! Please continue this long tradition of reviewing now. Yes, that means you!


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